Prideful trust

Trust is uncomfortable

Being vulnerable and honest is uncomfortable

Why is that?

If we can't even trust the ones closest to us

or maybe not even close to us

or anyone for that matter

Who are we even trusting?

Ourselves?

You trust yourself to everything you hold?

Where does that put you.

What does that turn you into?

What happens when one day you wake up and you're so out of line with everything

because you've only trusted yourself.

You've only gone by your own rules.

By what you think is right.

By your own good standard.

why?

because you can't "trust" anyone else?

because everyone else is a terrible human being?

because everyone else has messed up and turned into self-centered robots

self-centered robots

self-centered

self

say that again?

the very act you're trying to stay away from...

you deliberately choose to become 

....by not trusting in anyone
by not having accountability with anyone outside yourself because of your own "lack of trust"

isn't that what got everyone to the place they're in?

Isn't it because nobody trusts anyone enough 

and we think we're somehow able to hold ourselves accountable?

What. NO.

You can't hold your own self accountable!

Who do you think you are?

How can we think because we've gone through something so terrible in our life,

that possibly someone around us hasn't experienced

that it gives us the right to think we've no need to be honest

as if it gives us a right to think we're more trustworthy than others
as if it somehow gives us more capability to be better so we've no need to "rely on people"
because thats what trusting really is
thats what it mostly is
admitting your own weaknesses or struggles
admitting you may need help from (oh no) someone outside yourself (gasp)
and you can't tell anyone because...?
...you can handle it?
you can handle it just as much as they did.
let that be your reminder
you're just as human as everyone else.

The audacity we have to think we could ever do something good on our own.

How prideful it is.

how prideful we are.
we pridefully only trust in ourself and don't look to others or even Jesus
and we think they don't got it.
and we think we got it
whats wrong with being uncomfortable?
we can't handle it?
so instead we let ourselves turn into self grown pigs?
because accountability is uncomfortable
and trust is uncomfortable
and vulnerability is uncomfortable
and being honest the same
and basically
we just need to get over ourselves.

idk.
idk much about anything really.
i was just thinking about trust and people and people talking about real issues inside themselves
and I get the whole idea of how hard it is to be open and trust
I get that we're dumb humans with emotions that worry about stupid opinions anyone might have
But its more than that
its so much bigger than that
But we let ourselves stop at some lame cause like that
and so of course we're all gonna end up how we are.
idk
idk again.
I was just thinking about trust and people and people talking about real issues inside themselves
and I was seeing the side of myself in why I don't trust
and obviously this isn't the only reason why
and I didn't even mean to bring this side of the trust issue up
but thats all I did
because I started seeing the fact that people won't trust because of their pride
(yes I know not only that of course)
but that very little fact ... (not so little cause it actually plays a huge part.)
but that fact made me really mad, really fast.
Pride always makes me mad
I'm prideful
I make myself really mad
so thats why it turned to that
sorry.
Probably nothing makes sense
huhu welcome to the world

Not Settlin'

Are we just destined to be the same?
Maybe the largest fear of my life.
When you stop and view the life around you
And all you see is its endless cycles that all repeat themselves
Forever discouraging that anything could ever be different
That people could maybe be better than you think they are
Maybe I'm just wrong and blind by hurt, pain, or bitterness
Maybe people are beautiful and astounding
It might be so
It might be true
Actually I know it's true
But where is it
Where are they
Why did they give up
What made them give in
We all see the stupid cycle
Passed from generation to generation
and we're young and we see
and we're kids and we've been effected by it all
so we say our whole lives "I'll never do that, I'll never be like them"
And then you grow up
and the world smacks you in the face and knocks you off the only two feet you've known
and you thought you might be able to handle it cause you saw it all your life
you knew about it, and you had it all figured out: How to not become them.
And then life laughed at you and said "Here take this you prideful soul"
as if to challenge every living adult soul to even dare be happy about life.
What is lifes problem?
What makes someone want to rob joy out of life? And life its joys?
And why, if even a child can see it
Do we let ourselves grow up and ignore something that we knew was so wrong
And why do we learn to care less
And how could we ever dare to care less
As if everyone is just supposed to accept that growing old turns you into a cold hearted lil bastard.
It doesn't.
And I don't have to just accept that.
And just become it because everyone before me did.
The least I can do is be aware of it all
And try as hard as a kid does daily by just seeing and not doing.
How could we just settle and accept that we're going to become exactly what was before us?
Obviously that has been the largest influence in our lives, and it's hard not to become something you've always known.
But isn't that the point?
Just because its hard to do differently than them, leave their habits they've always taught you, learn from the mistakes you've felt the results of, get out the comfortable routine, probably stand alone and apart from everyone because everyone doesn't dare to leave...
None of it is an excuse to settle and accept it
Maybe we won't beat it
Maybe we won't be much better
But that's hardly possible if you're at least trying.
As far as I see it, if someone is trying at all... they're doing better than the majority of everyone else.
Actually maybe all we really gotta do
Is just put others before us
Think about them over you
Love them more than you love yourself
Care about someone else's opinion more than your own
Be nice for no reason other than the fact that people are humans and created by God
Don't accept that you're just destined to be everyone before you.
Don't accept that you'll just turn into a lil grown bastard
Don't become the emotionless, selfish, blind, hurt, bitter hearted robot because all of this is your reality and it's harder than hell to be different than it.
Don't accept that you're destined to become everyone else.