Babies in middle class or the universe

America is a little weird
Middle class Mom's bring their babies to the library
Sit in circles and sing songs bouncing their babies in their laps
Doing motions and patterns for their babies to learn from
Like it's this traditional cultural pow wow for Moms.
Middle-Moms bringing their babies in their designer clothes and doing their custums together
It's Mom's all talking in little voices while entertaining the little faces
It's a little bit of comparing babies and telling each other what your baby can do
so you can prove that your baby is a little more advanced than the average.
Or how they've made you lose your sleep but how much they've made you smile and they make you make faces you would never do on your own.

That's what I love to see
Babies changing the universe
All these mommys here would be total different people
They all have babies in common
Babies bring commonground to everyone
Babies turn people into someone they would otherwise be embarrassed to be
(I would be embarrassed of just being a rich middle class Mom too)
That's kind of a magical power babies have
To turn the heads, faces, hearts right down to changing your voice just to talk to them
They are the precious magic sent to keep our hearts in touch with real beauty
And what really matters
Like reading books at the library around 12 other Moms and babies
And blowing bubbles in the library and the babies all standing in circles pointing at bubbles surrounded by books

People of Airports

All kinz uh ppls. All kindz uh faces. All kindz uh types. All kindz uh typos
Nervous ppl
Fast people
Prepared, not prepared, unprepared. are they the same? are we all prepared to be unprepared
Chill
Confidant
Sad
Rushed. Rushin rushin' they see me rushin
Couples
Laughing
Tired, sleepy, exhausted, looking like a worn out soul
Withdrawn, alone, separated, apart from others, needing their space, needing a place
Shy
Nervous
Stoic
Addicts blowing their vape smoke into their pillow so nobody will notice (I noticed)
Waiting
Observing, watching, creepin'
Occupied, busy busy bust bees, never stop or drop, ride & grind
Unobservant,
Unmatching, do you even match brah?
Not caring
Only a few I would dress like
A lot I wouldn't dress like
The ones trying to be comfortable
The ones staying classy
Wow. The really classy ones are impressive. #goals one day I should travel with class. #newbucketlist
The ones who still ask for directions
The ones who pack bad food for themselves
The ones who aknowledged that they have the same bag and they approve of the other
The ones not prepared for the weather
The running one late for a flight
The one trying to sleep standing up
The group talking like they're the only ones in the airport
The mom pulling the kids and bags and picking up everything that's dropped
The nerd with the homeschool walk
The 40 year old version of a homeschooler
The wise old man sitting peacefully pondering all the new age people going by
The people who are confused about their ticket and can't find their gate, number & seat
The people who are travel pros
The two girls in yoga pants on their phones talking white girl lingo in their white girl voices
The first time flyers
The one who sits on the floor in the middle of everything
The Starbucks drinkers
The people who tell a story of their friends for everyone to hear
The people who stand in line so early
The one who waits til last minute to get up
The one reorganizing their stuff
The dad checking the sports scores
The one that works out
The one that just woke up

Our Miracle

We're calling her name out the front of the house, I'm searching the parking lot cause that would be the most dangerous area for her to be wandering..
Zach is behind me looking
A few seconds later I hear his voice around the corner of the house scream
"NO!!! No NO! No NOOo!"
Fear immediately grips my whole body
I could hear in his cry he saw her and it was something very bad.
I run down the hill and turn the corner to see him pulling her up out the little fish pond in the back yard
I see my brother-in-law screaming with his baby Raisa limp in his arms
His face is fear and pain
She's completely soaked and unresponsive
Lacey comes running screaming to him
"CALL 911!" Fear has gripped all of us
I run in the house to call as fast as I can
I'm frantically calling
I knew the address by heart
I can't think
I take a deep breath and try to compose myself to explain what's happening
I'm praying: O God o God Please
Im crying
I hear shouting and screaming from inside and outside the house.
All the kids start bawling all around me
I'm answering questions to 911
I walk onto the deck and look into the backyard and see the neighbor Christina doing CPR on her
With Raisa still limb and her Dad, Mom and Christina kneeling around her willing her to take a breath.
My heart froze
My brain ran off into tomorrow and what could be
What if she doesn't move? God make her move! Let her move!
My heart sank deeper and deeper
Each breath she didn't take
My eyes searched their faces
I never saw a fear so painful.
It jabbed right through me
The fear on their faces, the fear in the air, the biggest fear in our heart.
She needs to move! Please God
I never felt such desperation
I screamed inside my head
DON'T LEAVE US
OUR BABY
PLEASE! WE NEED YOU
I shook deeper than a volcano in the bottom of the sea
I cried from fear
And pain of everyones heart stopping from shock and fear
She's not responding. She's just flopping there while they're doing CPR
She was limp and white and no color
Lacey is screaming prayers and telling her to breath.
She's telling Raisa to breath
She's asking God to please give her baby life!
Zach is screaming and they're begging her to breath and live
Come on Raisa!
BREATH. RESPOND BABY. BREATH! COME ON RAISA
Everything inside me freezes
Begging the Lord to let her move, breath make a sound, even a peep
God please. Please. please. Don't take her from us. Please God. GOD MAKE HER MOVE! God look at your son Zach and daughter Lacey. Please don't take her from them. From us! GOD KEEP HER LIFE!
I don't hear what they're asking me on the phone
"Ma'am?.....ma'am"    "I'm sorry, what?"
"They're on the way, stay on the phone with me. Is she breathing? Is she responding?"
"IS SHE BREATHING?!"
They continue with CPR and telling her to breath.
She should be responding by now!
I'm screaming in my brain
I'm crying. I tell them:
"Ma'am she's not responding. She's not responding... Where are they?"
"They're right around the corner. Stay on the phone with me"
"Okay I hear them. They're coming"
Everyone rushes to the front of the house.
The police woman is running out of the car with a bag and is putting the machine on the baby.
They're crowded on the ground around our baby.
Crying and screaming for her to respond.
They're warming her arms
"God please warm her up. Warm her heart breath into her, let her breath!"
Ages seem to be passing by
They're crying out for her still
She whimpers
SHE WHIMPERS!
SHE STARTS MOVING!
I saw her neck turn slightly
She was trying to move!
A tad of arm movement
The police is helping her cough
She's coughing!
She's responding
"Shes gonna be okay!" I heard the police say as she picks her up
Oh GOD!
"SHES RESPONDING! SHE MOVED!"
everyone is crying
Everyone lets out the breath we forgot we were holding for what seemed like ages
I see my brother weaken and start bawling
I see my sister keel over as it hits her
My heart dropped
I can feel my heartbeat pounding through my whole body
Thank You God for loving us so much that you spared is from the pain of loss
We're all thanking the Lord in a million voices a million ways
I'm crying
the strength leaves my body
I feel the shock through my whole body release
I almost fall over
My legs almost give way beneath me
I'm holding the baby so I need to stay standing. I need to be strong.
I'm shaking all over
My whole body is quavering and shaking
I'm still on the phone with 911
"Ma'am is she responding yet?"
I start crying harder now and my voice is cracking
I'm weak. I croak out a
"YES YESS! SHE JUST MOVED. SHES RESPONDING."
"they're going to do everything they can for you"
"Yes. Thank you. Okay thank you for everything"
Oh God thank You.Thank You"

The rest of the evening was a blur as the shock kept sinking in more and more
The reality of what could have been the outcome of those 5 minutes kept going through our heads and bringing tears to our eyes over and over for hours
These are the real times we know God is real
My heart couldn't stop thanking God for protection
I kept thinking of the pain that would have been the next day, weeks, year & life if that had happened.
The closest I've come to anything so terrifying
The scariest moment of my life
The images of our little baby in Zachs arms and his terrified face
and the sounds of the screams and the awful fear inside of us
just kept replaying over and over in my head
This is so much to take in, and it keeps sinking in
To see our baby finally take a breath
and that overwhelming release it brought
God clearly loves us so much

The rest of the week
I was out of it
I was lost in the blur of it all
Images kept repeating, I could hear and see everything that happened
thoughts of how everything could have turned out
how everything could be so drastically changed in a matter of minutes
how close we were to losing our loved baby
how amazingly blessed we are by every continued breath taken in
how Raisa is a picture of a true miracle sent from God
and what a plan He has overall
How small we are in His big plan
I just cry
I cry when I remember
I cry when I see them there screaming for her life and then her taking her breath
I cry at how gracious and loving God is with us
I cry at how our beautiful little babe is still with us

She is so loved
God wanted us to keep loving her

Her laughter is so beautiful

God wanted us to keep hearing it

Her joy is so radiant
God wanted us to keep feeling it

Her smile is so full
God wanted it to spill into others

Her heart is so pure
God wanted us to see Him though it

Her life is so valued
God has a purpose for her

Her breath is so precious
God keeps breathing into her