What is it?

I feel it fading

Its draining out. Its emptying

it

what is it

I don't know exactly

but its leaving me 

and I don't know how to keep it

Its something good 

that I'm supposed to hold onto

but the fight in me is dying

its slipping away

is IT the fight?

is it?

I don't know

I feel the hope fading

I feel the fight not trying as hard

almost numb

not quite. but ohhh you're halfway there. Ooh living on a prayer

thanks Bon Jovi. 

How do I keep hold of what I know is dear and should endure 

if the fight for it is dying

if 

you know what
I don't have all the answers
butOH. I just remembered I forgot my Nisu toast in the toaster oven yesterday
and thats it (not the it from above) ... thats what was missing all day yesterday
you know when something is off all day?
well that was it.. I forgot my Nisu
Apart from that...
Something is still trying to fade
I can feel it.. I don't know exactly what.
but here I am to find out what.
cause when I find it, and if it shouldn't be
its gonna be in for a treat.
triple that baby up
Its something to do with having the strength to fight for what I know I should
something about happiness and joy (but are those actually real... lesss be rilll)
something to do with enjoying life and hoping in good things
and seeing real beauty left
and
I can tell my soul isn't doing its job of filtering out what everyone eventually feels about life (poop)
thats not going to be something I give in to
never seeing beauty anymore
Cause for all I know theres a Nisu in a toaster somewhere that I forgot
and now its a treat
and its beauty

Does any of this make sense?
prahnah. Renita you're a little fricked up I think
This is partly me carrying something heavy I don't understand
and partly me trying to lighten the load by seeing the beauty in the Nisu my sister made and I still have the ability to enjoy it
even more because she made it
and I see that beauty and
its all crazy! It's all false! It's all a dream!
Its alright