Thursday, July 18, 2019

ula'ula


I bought a floating red sweater 
mostly because it was red
also because its floating
you may look better in that dark blue sweater when its cold
but I love the red because it reminds me of my biggest problem
my biggest problem is buying things in the wrong shade of red
and we all laughed
very deep mind you.
buying the wrong red is a fool move
and my three who share a memory & laugh of my biggest problem
thank you red for giving me a biggest problem
to laugh at myself with my steadies 

Monday, July 15, 2019

you made that partly forgetful

I wiped pretend tears away from my face
since I don't actually cry about it anymore (unless I do)
I figured I should stop thinking
and it would solve the non-existing problems you thought were there
the non-existing problems I think are here
I'm here
non-existing with pretend tears running down my face

Monday, July 8, 2019

View from a wheelchair pt.II

I'm not going to believe it and neither are you
heres good news for you and me
I ran into a lil ole man on the sidewalk of my hotel
but would you believe me if I told you he had no toes?
The lil man who lost his toes last year and told me to not miss out on being in Alaska.
This time he told me advice every other sentence (we passed a lot of sentences)
To never take my toes for granted
He told me how he wished he could have an ascetic leg and be back up and running.
We talked about meeting a year ago, I asked him if he remembered
And he called me the girl who sat on the curb at night
We gave our names this time and said nice to meet you Kerry again
after a years worth of toes healing. He gave me the update on how they were
(gone)
sorri not sorri, I had to
But whens the last time you received an update a year later on toes?
He told me he's moving so he'll probably never see me again...
unless he does.
I guess that's how it works Kerry, you're right
I think Kerry has somewhat of a short memory, he liked to tell short stories
and sometimes he repeated himself.
But that could just be an age thing of people who like to tell stories.
I do that sometimes so I'm basically short of memory too.
He must have a bit of long memory left
cause he asked if I'm still working outside and making freckles
"working outside and making freakles"
WhAT.
somebody get this guy a something good (award)
What a memory. bahaha. I can't. Could you?
I told him yes, it's the sun who gives them to me.
And he said
"Well of course! It's not like you can buy them off the street!"
And he pretended to ask a vender for some freckles
Where does he come up with this stuff? What.. did you just, what?
And he is right.
And I laughed again
inside and out from Kerry and his freckle jokes
Who would have thought that Kerry with no toes would still be here one year later
taking his walks up and down sidewalks
And we would meet
and he would give me laughs about memories of freckles and having no toes

Monday, July 1, 2019

You took me walking through the town

I should be sleeping 
but how can I be sleeping when its daylight at night
when I dream old dreams 
that used to mean something but mean nothing by morning 
when I wake up to pee and the temperature tells me nothing 
about what I should expect
the candle in my room is a cover for more than bad sweats and smelly socks
I remember I need to forget
forget about the stupid stomach churns I woke up with on accident
it makes my stomach turn in knots made of old anger 
and stuffing stupid tears back down again
Its dumb and I’m dumb and I try to forget about remembering 
that was rude of my dreams to remind me about something that meant nothing
that was rude of you to still sing songs that mean nothing to you
the first rain I knew here was appropriate for those forgotten songs
like she knew my tears were dried and gone but the rain still fell for me instead
how can a soul still sing about something if it means nothing?
Im trying to understand it right now but it makes me piss mad 
and I can't get through it to understand it
my window view is soft hues of pink and grays because the sun won't go down 
do people ignore the fact that they forgot about something?
are you trying to forget or don't care to keep caring?
one time I used to wake up at 4am on a steady bases for a short period of nothing
what does that count as when I'm in another time zone? 
is that why I'm awake?