It's better off this way

Today I felt okay 
last night I slept the lightest I have in months 
(Even if it was only 3 hours)
3hrs can feel like heaven when its right

not the light-sleeper kind 

the good kind uknowhaimsayin 

I woke up and the heavy knot that's been eating at my insides was finally gone

I felt the lightest I have in months  
Theres something about (like ma says)

"all hearts clear?"

that lifts the spirit 
something about talking 

about real blunt honesty 

when they can be too and its not just you

and maybe a couple cries 

and sorries and understandings 
and hugs that feel like home
something about laughing again

omawerh laughing again is heaven too

something about knowing the others jokes

and looks

I still have plenty to figure out
Plenty to understand 

plenty I understand now

Plenty to think about and decide

But today I felt okay 
And that's more than I have in months 
And I couldn't be more happy and content
than just remembering what it's like being okay 

Ruby laughed so hard in her crib she gave herself the hiccups
I played guitar with my babies 
And the dogs who never stop barking 

finally shut up for once and went to sleep praise the Lord 

It's all gonna be OK

cause I know better days are comin babe

hold on another day

I listened to "I'm not okay" on repeat 

knowing full well I'm the most okay I've been in awhile 

knowing that not being okay

was wearing me out

and it was a surreal moment 

of singing about something you finally made through 

We made it
We're okay

its all crazy, its all false, its all a dream 

its alright

A hell of a year in four months
but it taught me about things 

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
things won't ever be the same I know
but it was for something
I hated it for sure 
but I'm okay