Fragility

There are many things I see and experience in life that could anger me, break me, consume me

Throw you into a pit that could drown you

Confuse you out of your own purpose in life 

Things that make me question

Like the too young mothers who get pregnant but return to the cycle of an abusive life 
Mother's losing their babies 
Or watching the 4yr old malnourished girl have seizures
and then she doesn't make it through the night.
And watching her parents unresponsiveness because they've already lost so many children

The little one who found his mother had taken her own life 
Thinking of the decision of someone to drive into anothers car
and it takes the precious life of others completely uninvolved
Or Bendigo being hit by a car and not making it 
Why should I get hit and make it and he didn't?

Why should one baby make it and not another?
Life is given
Life is taken
Why them? Why such different worlds? 
Why the children? 
Why babies who don't take their first breath?
Why the heartbreak of parents?
Why was I born where I was? 
Why were they?
A fragility that throws you into such a helpless state
It overwhelms you

A heartbreak that we have no answers for
Because you are helpless

It can make you doubt everything in life 

But do we question where life comes from in the first place?

Who gave you that breath you just took?

God is the giver of life
God gives the placement of life 
He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things (Acts)
What can I do in the realm of life and death?

I could sit in my denial or self-consumtion or anger
of what I think is right or not. 

But who am I?

It makes you wonder what the heck God's plan is with all of this of course

Why do these things happen?

Do we consider that we might not be able to fathom what He has in store?

And then God speaks to you through His word, and through worship,
through the life He continues to give all around you
Through the Africans singing: 
"God You are worthy to be praised. 
We give You glory and honor. You are worthy."
Despite what I may see or think
Despite what my life is and anothers isn't
You are still worthy through it all

And I soak humbly in His presence saying 
Crea en mi, crea en mi un corazón sincero
Un corazón que ame tu verdad
Que viva siempre en tu voluntad
God, Your plan is greater than we could ever understand or imagine
Your love is indescribable
Your Grace is far from what we deserve 
How could we question it?
Our simple minds are far too little to even try
I think of conversations years ago 

when we were questioning whether people should travel or not 

because it brings up unsettling comparisons in life. 
Opening the door, exploring reasons we could justify 

(from our human perspective) our own reason.

Of what we think life should and shouldn't be. 
What's fair and what's not (in our eyes of course)
Seeing life and death and the hurts in life
Maybe discontentment with your own placement in life 
(Though you don't need to travel to see and think these thoughts)
But it does bring more exposure to it
And I do believe you probably (hopefully) will
and should recognize this and be challenged by it
Life is a gift
One we don't deserve
One we don't understand 
why were we placed where we were 
Something I'll never understand 
But I trust God's placement of where He chose me to be
For how long He chooses me to be 
Like she told me this morning:
"Life is so fragile
We don't know what minute we might go"
He gives me every next breath I'm taking
Instead of the thoughts that push us to question why for everything we can't understand
I'm learning to stand in awe of God's overall creation 

and plan for something He has formed that I might not ever understand. 
I could let the questions overwhelm me 

and you might even let them push you to question God's love and sovereignty through it
Or you could let God's love and sovereignty push you TO Him. 
Because who am I? 
I am undeserving of His Grace
But yet He covers me completely
And I am His child 
Wow. how humbling to even be able to say that?
And the peace that comes through the simple words of a hymn singing:

To this I hold, my hope is only Jesus

yet not I but Christ who lives in me 

____________________________

This is where my hope lies 
This is where my soul sighs 
And I will always find my rest in You